Finally: Madonna Weighs in on the Election!

I'm sure that there are a great many undecided voters out there who have been waiting for Madonna to tell them how to vote this fall. Well their wait is over! She started her new tour which features a couple of video montages. One of them has Obama with images of John Lennon and Gandhi, while another shows John McCain with Hitler and Mugabe. I don't think that either of these comparisons are particularly fair. While Obama has been building a movement, it's nothing like nonviolently overthrowing the British Empire. And while he gives good speech, I highly doubt that he would be willing to spend weeks in a hotel bed for world peace, let alone being able to write a song like "Happiness is a Warm Gun." As for McCain, he's no dictator. He's a soldier. He doesn't have the creativity to come up with any of his own evil schemes. Don't get me wrong, McCain is on the wrong side of just about every issue, and he's got some serious anger management problems. But dictators are leaders. They're evil leaders, but leaders nonetheless. McCain is a soldier. He follows orders, whether they come from his party elite or his corporate sponsors. So Madonna, please leave the politics to celebrities who can put together their message a little better, like Paris Hilton.

Remember When Andy Dick was Funny?

What can I say about Andy Dick that hasn't already been said? His trainwreck hasn't been entertaining since the mid 90's and this mugshot just gives me the creeps. How baked do you have to be to look like that while being arrested for groping a minor?

Today on the Who Gives a Shit Channel...

Welcome to the Who Gives a Shit Channel, where we cover all the insipid and meaningless top news stories that nobody should care about. Our top story today is the outrage over Miley Cyrus' Vanity Fair photo. Oh no, they showed a 15 year old's back! Child porn! Child porn! Disney is certain to go bankrupt over this scandal. If they wanted something vanilla and boring, perhaps Sears Portrait Studio would have been better than Annie Leibovitz. Next up is Reverend Wright. There are enough people of every race and political persuasion who are outspoken and angry about something that chances are everybody knows somebody like that. I hope nobody I know ever runs for president and has to waste time with questions about my blog. And possibly the most irrelevant story all day is that Bush is speaking about the economy sometime today. The best thing he could do now is just not to do anything. At least then whatever is wrong can't get any worse. As a reward for slogging your way through three very boring and tedious bits of non-news, here's a whole batch of headlines about a sensational story full of depraved sex and human misery.

Cue the Wah-guitar...

I guess all it took to finally get Lindsay Lohan to pose nude (intentionally, at least) was letting her pretend to be Marilyn Monroe and calling it art. Thanks New York Magazine for coming up with that brilliant trick idea! In regards to my previous post, I suppose that every now and then the corporate media is good for something.

Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out

Apparently cultural crusader and evolution denier Sam Brownback is stepping out of the presidential race. Unfortunately, he's still a senator, representing the hyper-authoritarian religious right fringe. Now that he doesn't have to spend time campaigning anymore, he can get back to business fighting against free speech and science. Just check out the voting record of this guy. And in news that more Americans care about than Sam Brownback, apparently Britney now can't even have supervised visits with the kids.

Friday Morning Roundup

There's so much to post about but I've been incredibly busy. Tomorrow is Cinemasports! I am very much looking forward to doing some filmmaking, and it should be a lot of fun trying to do a short in 10 hours. I've put together a great cast and crew and I just hope that I can pull off shooting it as nicely as I hope to. In political news, it looks like Senator Larry "Glory Hole" Craig has decided that he's not going to resign after all. He made a big mistake voting against the Matthew Sheppard Hate Crime bill because the republicans are going to have a massive hate crime on him for sticking around through the 2008 election! Between an anti-gay senator soliciting bathroom blowjobs and all the top leading candidates lacking in religious wingnut cred (or in Romney's case lacking in the the right brand of religious wingnut cred), the republicans are looking at an embarrassing day come next November. This will most likely lead to four years of disappointment from a democratic government, but I've learned over the years that disappointment is better than constant outrage so I'll take what I can get. In the world of pop culture, everyone and their mother has weighed in on Britney Spears and her troubles this week. Last night even Dr. Phil had a whole show discussing what a trainwreck she has become. It's tragically humorous to see a former Mousketeer making Courtney Love look like Martha Stewart, but as a parent I really feel bad for those kids. Here's my personal favorite Britney moment. It takes a lot to make K-Fed look smart, but she does it. If she was smart, her upcoming album would capitalize on all of this and be a little more hard edged, tripped out and gangsta. The usual mildly slutty bubblegum pop just isn't going to seem very honest coming from her anymore. She needs to do a cover of Jay Z's 99 Problems (preferably a take on the Dangermouse remix with the Helter Skelter samples). And lastly, from the no shit sherlock department... Clear Channel, the very same corporate radio sleazebag conglomerate who dropped Howard Stern for saying things they didn't agree with about Bush have come out to defend Rush Limbaugh for referring to military personnel who are against the Iraq war as "phony soldiers." It would be nice to see them as championing free speech for once if they were the slightest bit even handed about it, but this is a solidly republican company who only supports free speech that they agree with. And that's all folks. The next thing you see from me will probably be the short film that I make tomorrow.

They Tried to Make her go to Rehab...

Oh Britney you freakin' trainwreck! I understand how being thrust into the limelight at a young age as a hyper-sexualized teen popstar can do a number on a person. I'm sure that constant touring and recording and autograph signing while normal people your age were going to school didn't help things. I understand how your crazy life might lead to substance abuse. It's easy to numb the pain of watching every action of your life being pulled apart and analyzed so the sleazy gossip hounds can sell more advertising. But you're a mom now and it's really time to get your life together already. Do you want to be like Courtney Love, extending your long expired spot in the limelight with laughably bad performances, constant court appearances and showing up trashed on Comedy Central roasts and late night talk shows? You need to put on a pair of panties and get into a drug rehabilitation program with the quickness, before your ex husband Cletus gets sole custody of those kids! Check out the Watershed as a viable and affordable solution. DISCLOSURE: This post is sponsored by The Watershed

Friday Morning Roundup

Paris must be pissed. While she had to spend 20something days in jail for her DUI, her friends are getting off much easier. Lindsay Lohan agreed to serve one day behind bars after pleading guilty to drunken driving and cocaine charges. But that's hard time compared to what fellow bad girl Nicole Richie served for driving under the influence. Richie was released from jail after just 82 minutes Thursday, the same day Lohan copped a plea.[full story] The irony here is that all three celebutards were punished much harder than once certain accessory to an act of treason, Scooter Libby. And between giving us movies like Mean Girls, shows like the Simple Life, and countless tabloid spreads of them drunk in Hollywood sans-panties, I would say that this trio of jailbirds has given more to this country than a guy whose job was Dick Cheney's personal coverup assistant. From the With Enemies Like These Who Needs Friends file, did you hear the one about Karl Rove and Hillary Clinton? Yep, Turdblossom has been tirelessly going after Hillary lately. Is it because he wants her to lose the Democratic nomination? Or is because he knows how hated he is amongst the likely Democratic primary voters that he could give her a boost? And why would he want to give her a boost? Could it be that once her star power fades, there are other candidates who would be far more electable than whoever the republicans throw out there, and could the one he fears the most be John Edwards? Mr. Rove has tried this form of reverse psychology before. As the Los Angeles Times reported Sunday, former Rove associate Matthew Dowd revealed at a 2004 Harvard University conference that Mr. Bush's re-election team went after Sen. John Kerry because they were more afraid of then-Sen. John Edwards.[full story] And just which of the Democratic candidates is running the most Rove-like campaign? Does anybody really think that our former first lady is the type who would put anything like ethics ahead of the grand prize? Lastly on a fun note, we all know that Bob Dylan is a very prolific songwriter, but most don't know just how prolific. Check out this informative video:

Americans Outraged Over Selective Justice, Sort of

Suppose a person commits a crime. If this is a regular working stiff, they get sentenced and carry out their sentence, whether it be prison, fines, community service or whatever else. But if you've got money and power, you can probably get away with anything from stabbing your ex wife and her boyfriend to molesting little boys to covering up an act of treason. So when a high profile American gets convicted and sentenced by a judge and jury of law abiding American citizens and somebody steps in and decides for some reason or other to take it easy on that person and give them a lighter sentence, law abiding people get really really pissed off. They surround the house of the convicted criminal with picket signs and chants and a whole big media circus until somebody steps in to right the wrong and make sure that nobody is above the law because of money or power or connections. And that's exactly what happened... to Paris Hilton, a drunken heiress famous for being famous and having absolutely zero talent for anything. Convicted and sentenced to a short jail stay for drunk driving and driving on a suspended license, when the sheriff let her out of jail after 3 days for a house arrest in her mansion with all her friends, America was outraged. The angry mobs stormed her castle with torches and pitchforks, crying about celebrity justice, and the judge quickly stepped in and threw her ass back in jail where it belonged. So what I want to know is where are the angry mobs in front of Scooter Libby's house? This guy helped cover up the outing of a CIA operative because her husband told the truth about the hyped up intelligence being used to justify the war in Iraq. The neocons try to say that it's OK by downplaying Valerie Plame's job at the CIA, or they use the classic two wrongs make a right defense by bringing up Clinton's lie about a blow job. But none of that shit matters. They're just making excuses for one of their own. If the tables were turned, they'd be crying treason and demanding a firing squad and calling the other side "soft on crime." Over 3000 Americans have died in the war that the administration lied us into. When somebody tried to alert the American people that they were being lied to before it was too late, the administration played politics with the life of that man's wife. And Scooter lied to cover that up. Over three thousand Americans are dead. We're never getting them back. And this smarmy little piece of shit who broke the law to aid and abet in what has now basically become an act of mass murder gets to walk away a free man. What I suggest is that if this criminal president of ours doesn't think that 2 and a half years of easy time in a federal prison is an appropriate punishment for these crimes, it's up to the citizens of this country to make Scooter's life miserable. Now I would never suggest anything illegal like violence against him, but there should be a 24 hour picket at his house for starters, blowing air horns every 15 minutes during the night. People should follow him everywhere he goes. People should get in front of his car and drive very slowly. The barristas at every Starbucks he frequents should make sure to take a little extra long getting his orders out. He should not have a moment of peace for the next 2 and a half years. And as for this administration who time and again have demonstrated that they consider themselves above the law, the trials for their crimes need to begin on January 22, 2009. It won't happen because the democrats will of course say that they want a fresh start and to put the ugliness behind us, but I say we need to teach people with political aspirations a lesson, that subversion of the laws and foundations of our nation are not something that they can take lightly to suit their own agenda. Throw the book at these soft on crime republicans!

News Roundup

Supreme Asshattery: Remember back in 2004 when we had 4 bad years under Bush but at least he didn't get to put anybody on the supreme court? At that point, America saw exactly what a lousy job this guy was doing. They knew that decades of Supreme Court rulings were at stake if this man was allowed to put his kind of people onto that court. He's put two of them on there and already they've assaulted the 1st Amendment. I'm sure many people don't think it's that big a deal that a high school kid was suspended over unfurling a banner that said "Bong Hits 4 Jesus," but until a couple of days ago, our country was founded upon the principle that people could unfurl banners that said whatever they wanted. Where will they chip away at it next? While we should have expected this sort of bullshit from a Bush-appointed Supreme Court majority, there was another player in all of this who deserves a big kick to the head. Remember Clinton Panty Sniffer Supreme Ken Starr? He was the lawyer for the anti-free speech side of this case. Pro Wrestling may be More Entertainment than Sports, but... killing your family and then yourself is neither. Did Chris Benoit take a few too many piledrivers, or a few too many steroids to drive him to this? And does Vince McMahon consider an act of murder/suicide to be acceptable "personal reasons" to miss a pay-per-view event? All joking aside, I haven't watched wrestling in years, but when I saw the headline about a pro wrestler murder/suicide, my first thought was "please don't be Mick Foley." But a strange coincidence is that of the four WCW wrestlers who defected to the WWF (this was before it was WWE) together, now two of them are dead. Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko better watch out. And Finally, Our National Nightmare is Over... or has it just begun? Paris Hilton is out of jail and free to resume her career of being famous without any talent for anything and getting paid to get drunk at parties. I just can't wait for all the interviews about how she's a changed person from all of this. And next fall on E! we'll have Simple Life Behind Bars. Whoopty friggin doo!

One Stop Celebutard Blogging!

For people who are interested in celeb watching and blogging, it can be a lot of work. There are so many sources to get the info you want, whether it's kissing, telling, accidental or not so accidental private part flashing, drinking, drugging, driving, crashing, jail going and leaving and returning and jesus-finding, angry voice mail leaving, drunken fast food off the floor eating, cellulite at the beach having, spouse cheating, third world child adopting, Scientology converting, Cabala trend following, photographer beating, nasty divorcing, custody battling, head shaving, red carpeting, etc dirt. If you're into this stuff, you'd have to hit the tabloids, E!, Perez Hilton, TMZ, Smoking Gun and a whole bunch of other places. Finally somebody figured out how to use RSS feeds and aggregated all the celebrity rumors into one convenient place where you can vote and leave comments. DISCLOSURE: This post sponsored by CelebrityGossip.com

Must Be Nice

Please don't forget my contest to win a Washington Interns Gone Bad DVD. And now on to the post... So after a few days in the clink, Paris Hilton is out. Paris Hilton was released from county jail early Thursday because of an undisclosed medical condition and will serve the remainder of her sentence confined to her mansion in West Hollywood. [full article] What a load of shit! Somebody I know who will remain anonymous had to do some county time for a DUI related arrest. He was on the work farm and while he was there he developed some flesh eating bacterial infection. If he saw a doctor, he would be sent back to the regular jail to serve out his full sentence rather than reduced time on the farm. When he got out and finally saw a doctor, one of the possible treatments was amputation, which luckily didn't happen. But if you're a hotel heiress famous only for being a wealthy drunken clueless bimbo, you get to be under house arrest in the lap of luxury because of some undisclosed medical ailment that I can guarantee is less serious than flesh eating bacteria. This only goes to further prove that the supposed justice system in our country carries a price tag. If the LA Sheriff's office gave a rat's ass about holding this idiot accountable for her crime, they would have at least confined her to a crappy motel, or made her do some community service. Instead she can invite all of her pals over and party it up. At least she won't be behind the wheel for a while. UPDATE - Breaking News! She's been dragged crying back to the slammer! The DA said that her early release "erodes confidence in the judicial system." Nice work. And Paris, let me just say... Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa I only like living like regular people when it's scripted whaaaaaaaaaa! Try reading a book or two and broadening your mind, you vapid slut.

What I Miss About the Early 90's

Ahhh, the good old days of the early 90's! I was just starting college, we had the whole northwest rock explosion, Lollapalooza, and oh yeah, we saw plenty of this guy on TV... While the whole story of a man's sleazy affair with a teenage girl which led to the teenage girl shooting the man's wife in the face was definitely the stuff that sells tabloids, I have to wonder if people would still be talking about it 15 years later if the man had a name that wasn't as fun to say as Joey Buttafuoco. I mean, if this all took place out in the midwest and Amy Fisher had shot Joey Smith's wife and nobody involved wore horrible guido pants or spoke in heavy Long Island accents, there would not have been three made for TV movies. So Joey and Amy are back (though did they ever really go away? They've both been in and out of jail and in and out of the press. Amy had a syndicated column, Joey got his ass kicked by Chyna on Celebrity Boxing, and they both sat down last year with Mary Jo and got interviewed about their whole tawdry story). Joey and some sleazebag TV producer announced on Howard Stern the other day that Joey and Amy, both freshly divorced, are going to be teaming up for a new reality show, and Joey was not ruling out the idea that the two of them might hook back up (download that entire Howard Stern show here). The entire gang on Howard were aghast at the idea of this, and that's coming from a group of people who routinely engage in teabagging, with and without pudding. This is by far the most exploitative, trashy, scummy thing that could ever be put on TV, but I think I will probably be glued to it.

A Very Important Video

While more Americans are dying in the civil war that George Bush started in Iraq... While people are clamoring to find things to blame for the Virginia Tech massacre... While the presidential candidates are busy campaigning on MySpace... There are forces of good and evil engaged in the age-old battle with one another that we never hear about in the mainstream media. Please watch this informative video.

In Good Company

In honor of April Fools Day, people were polled on who the most foolish Americans are, and George Bush did surprisingly well. He was only number 4, just behind Michael Jackson, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Only slightly less foolish than Dubya was Dick Cheney, tied with Mel Gibson. Now that's a great pairing if I've ever seen one! You've got a raging anti-semite and a guy who isn't afraid to shoot his friend in the face. Rounding out the list are diaper-wearing astronaut gone bad Lisa Nowak, former congressman and future guest on "To Catch a Predator" Mark Foley, Oprah couch jumping Scientologist Tom Cruise and his brainwashed abductee wife Katie Holmes, celebutards Lindsay Lohan and K-Fed, soon-to-be prison bitch Scooter Libby, n-word spewing Michael Richards, and some guy who is only famous for cheating on Christie Brinkley. Here's the whole press release for the poll. I think that everybody definitely deserves to be on there. Apparently this is the first in many years that Michael Jackson has not topped the list. I thought he's pretty much been off the radar this year, but he's been enough of a freak to have an automatic spot on this list forever, something of a lifetime achievement award if you will. And how lucky is K-Fed that Britney had her little head shaving freakout? After being a complete joke, he all of a sudden became the reasonable member of their failed marriage. While Bush definitely is a fool, I would think Cheney to be more evil as foolish, but it's good to see him on there with the rest of these dregs.

I'd Like a Second Opinion on This

So they've released Anna Nicole's autopsy results. It should come as no surprise to anyone that she had a cocktail of drugs in her system. The surprise is on line 2 of page 4:

Every cloud has a silver lining

The circus surrounding Anna Nicole Smith's death and ensuing legal nightmare between possible baby daddies is a trash-a-liscious tale with a cast of characters straight out of an early John Waters movie. Yet still it's a tragic tale for all of those involved. But something good has finally come out of it. Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband and one of many possible Anna Nicole baby daddies, the supposed "prince" of something or other, is suing Fox News' most obnoxious right wing mouthpiece, Bill O'Reilly. Since you can't sue somebody just for being a loudmouthed lying douchebag propagandist, the "prince" is suing Falafel-boy for slander. "Look, this guy's a fraud," O'Reilly said, according to a transcript of the show posted on the network's Web site. "We know he's a fraud. But let's -- what I want to talk about is -- he's done. His credibility is -- is finished." Since the show aired, von Anhalt said people give him dirty looks when he goes to the grocery store. "They say, 'Look, here comes the fraud,"' he said. "I get lots of e-mails from people bad-mouthing me. It's very embarrassing." How is this royal supposed to rule now when he can't even go to the grocery store without being heckled by his loyal subjects? And I just love the idea of a prince going grocery shopping in the first place. Royalty sure ain't what it used to be. And I don't see why he's suing O'Reilly when his crown gives him the power to order up a public flogging or several years in a dank dungeon for him. What's the point of being a prince if you have to go through the same courts as the masses, just to deal with some unruly peon?

News Roundup

I don't have time tonight to give a detailed analysis of any one story, but here are some quick thoughts on a few stories... There will be no satisfaction of seeing Dick Cheney cross examined in the Libby trial, let alone Libby himself. Oh well, there will be the civil case at some point. As Howard K. Stern runs to the Bahamas and sells exclusive interviews, many media outlets have dropped the middle initial when talking about him to the anger and dismay of the King of all Media. And more potential baby daddies are crawling out of the woodwork. And now this... And lastly, we've got even more people throwing their hats in the ring to run for president. Rudy Giuliani could go all the way if the hard right doesn't eat him alive for being a moderate. Mitt Romney probably couldn't beat either serious democratic contender, though he doesn't stand a chance in the primaries. And Barak Obama apparently just announced his candidacy over the weekend which is funny because I thought he announced weeks ago. The exciting contest is going to be between him and Hilary, and I'm really hoping he gives Hilary a hard whupping.

RIP you crazy trainwreck of a woman

It's really hard to blog about politics when you've got crazy astronauts running amok in diapers brandishing BB guns, mayors sleeping with their friend's wives and going into rehab, evangelist bigwigs claiming to be heterosexual except for that meth induced fling over the course of several years with a male prostitute, and now this... Anna Nicole Smith died today. Despite the fact that this is the surprise ending to the trailer trash tragic soap opera that had been her life, I am sad, mainly for her 6 month old daughter and for her lawyer/quasi-husband/reality show costar Howard K. Stern. Watching her reality show was like passing a grizzly accident, it was a horrible thing that I just couldn't take my eyes off of. She was such a mess of a person and it made for delightfully awful television watching. Even after that went off the air, her life continued to be full of drama. She gets pregnant, hides in the Bahamas, has her baby girl, then her son dies under mysterious circumstances right in the hospital, then she keeps changing the story on who the baby daddy is, she sells the last pictures of her son alive, has a non-binding wedding with supposed baby daddy Howard K. Stern (which led to some hysterical moments on the radio show of the other Howard Stern - a caller asked Howard if it was true that the baby was his, and Howard gave a long story about how it was indeed his, but he had gotten her pregnant from anal sex), then they got evicted from a few places in the Bahamas. Plus, there was all of the crazy legal shit going on between Anna and the family of her late husband. Her stepson (who was several decades older than her) who was suing her from getting any of her husband's money died while the lawsuit was going on. And the paternity of her baby is still up in the air with the first supposed baby daddy suing for a paternity test. So this girl is only 6 months old and you can bet there are going to be some people fighting over her and the multi-billion dollar windfall that may or may not come with her. And I thought Frances Bean Cobain had it rough. So over the course of the next few weeks we can expect Anna's autopsy results to compete for headlines with people psychoanalyzing crazy astronaut lady and which of the 12 steps of recovery my mayor is in with his alcohol treatment.