John McCain is Dr. Strangelove

John McCain promises less jobs and more wars. Well that sure makes me want to vote for him!

A Shameless Show in Flori-duh

There was an old Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs went on a nationwide spree of mischief and one of the things he did was sawed off Florida and sent it drifting off to sea. The only reason I don't want to do that is because my dad lives there. This is a state whose biggest cultural "gift" to the world is Jimmy freakin' Buffet. This is a state with giant flying cockroaches. This state is a haven for extremist Cuban terrorists. This is where Bush stole the election in 2000 and the republicans stole any chance Teri Schiavo had to die with dignity. And they eat BOILED peanuts there! What kind of depraved redneck would take a perfectly good peanut and boil it? So last night Hillary Clinton threw herself a big old party there. It was a "victory" party. She "won" the primary. She boldly defeated all the other candidates who kept their word to remove their names from the ballot and not campaign in the state. And she won a grand total of ZERO delegates (but don't worry, she's trying to scam some delegates out of this "win"). See, despite JSF's typically one-sided talk of democrats not believing in democracy (as if any political party or corporate entity truly believes in democracy), it's not a great idea to completely front-load the primary process and Florida was punished for pushing theirs up. Regardless of how you may feel about the way that the democratic party dealt with this, the candidates did agree to not campaign there and remove their names from the ballot. So why didn't Hillary honor that? Not only did she pull an incredibly dishonorable move on her opponents and her party, she's now talking about trying to get the delegates back for the states who lost them (and which she coincidentally won both of running unopposed). I really hope that this shameless stunt backfires on her and that the super-Tuesday primary voters reject her brand of bullshit political games. John Edwards is expected to drop out of the race today. It's a shame because I really like what he has to say and I hoped he'd do better. But I feel better for his family who really need him right now. On the republican side, who gives a shit? I don't but JSF does and he is providing the right wing side of this left-right primary coverage that practically nobody is reading (though if you are reading this, please say hello so it doesn't feel that this is a total waste of time. The only thing to note for me on the republican side is that Rudy Giuliani can now do what so many other New Yorkers do and just retire in Florida. And while he's enjoying his retirement amongst the Cuban terrorists and giant flying cockroaches, he should go to a bar or restaurant on the Gulf Coast and hear my dad play.

Giant Monster Destroys NYC and oh yeah, Obama Wins SC

Before I get into the boring political stuff, last night I saw Cloverfield and I really liked it. I thought it used the perspective of handheld video by a character much more effectively than the Blair Witch Project. I was a huge sucker for Blair Witch when it came out, probably more from the hype than anything else. But those filmmakers got lucky with the footage they were able to put together. While Cloverfield had the look and storytelling device of handheld video, that's really where the comparisons end. Many of the critics had a problem with the intro where we meet the characters, but I found that to be an enjoyable. Once the shit starts hitting the fan, it's an intense ride through the end. Of course, seeing buildings on fire and clouds of smoke and debris racing down the streets of lower Manhattan brings back the feeling of dread from watching the same thing happen live on TV on 9/11 which while some found to be exploitative, I found to be very effective in raising the level of audience terror (and if you're going to exploit 9/11, better to do it for entertainment purposes than for a republican convention or Rudy Giuliani's campaign). Without the added intensities of 9/11 imagery and the handheld camerawork that practically puts the audience in the movie, this would have just been another monster movie. But the gimmicks worked and made it a great movie. And now on to other monsters... After a week of the ugliest democrat on democrat slugfest so far in the primary season, Obama whupped Hillary's ass in South Carolina. This win felt particularly good after all the shit spewing from Bill Clinton in this last week. While I didn't hate the job he did as president (though I loathed some of the things he did in terms of corporate globalization and the ridiculous war on drugs), last week gave me a very good understanding of why the right hates that man on such a personal level. It's one thing watching him verbally brutalize people when you feel that they deserve it, but seeing him treat Obama like he was Ken Starr has been an eye opening experience. Whether this landslide victory was about rejecting nasty politics or about race is debatable, and in reality it was probably a combination of the two. For the right wing side of this left-right lightly trafficked blog coverage of the primaries, check out Valley of the Shadow.

Friday Roundup

It's been an awfully busy week and there hasn't been enough time to post, let alone any one specific event worthy of one. So here's a few hit and run opinions on various stuff. Hillary vs Obama: Settle down, kids! These two (and Bill) are getting vicious with each other, and if it's not going to benefit John Edwards (which it clearly isn't, even in his own home state), it's going to benefit the republicans. I used to enjoy watching Bill Clinton take on his enemies, but seeing him turn on his own like he has been gives me a glimmer of understanding of the level of hate the right has for him. Not enough of an understanding to ever in my life think that his impeachment was justified, but at least enough to understand why those on the right think that a panty sniffing tabloid scandal was a good thing. Romney vs Everybody: The Plastic Republican has managed to piss off everyone, hasn't he? When a campaign aide goes on record wanting to punch another candidate's teeth out, you know it's going to be a bitter fight. Just seeing that guy's plastic face makes me want to punch him too. I barely know anything about him other than that he's changed his tune on just about every issue and that he has lobbyists running his campaign, but just his look and the way he talks says vile politician who would sell his own mom for a chance to suck off the corporate teat as their shill in power. So Long, Dennis: The only candidate for whom I would enthusiastically vote if he had a chance in hell of winning the election has dropped out of the race. He's on his way back to the House, but he's dropping his bid to impeach Dick Cheney to push for impeaching Bush. While I would love to see either of these two criminals put on trial, impeaching Bush would give us President Cheney, so at least in this case it's good that the rest of congress is ignoring him. And with Kucinich and Thompson both out of the game, there's a serious lack of hot first lady contenders. Whoever wins in November, there will not be a FLILF. Heath Ledger: How sad. So young and so talented and just at the beginning of a very promising career, leaving behind a 2 year old daughter whose only memory of her dad will be watching his movies. Of course, not everybody sees it for the tragedy it is. Fred Phelps and his vile family plan on protesting the funeral because Heath played a gay cowboy in a movie oh no!. If I were into playing silly partisan games, I'd say that this hate and bigotry is sanctioned by mainstream republicans, but I know better. There Will Be Blood: See. This. Movie. Now. That is all.

Fred Thompson: Real Man of Genius

Fred Thompson, we barely knew ya! Wasn't he supposed to be the great conservative hope? And now after getting into the race late, barely doing any campaigning and barely getting any votes, he's quitting his role as presidential candidate and waiting out the writers strike by having viagra-enhanced sex with that hot trophy wife of his. "I hope that my country and my party have benefited from our having made this effort. Jeri and I will always be grateful for the encouragement and friendship of so many wonderful people." [full story] Fred, let me tell you who benefited the most from your lame attempt at running for office. Slackers! You taught the slackers of this country a whole new way to skate through life without doing much of anything. No need to bum money off mom and dad to finance your frivolously fun life anymore. Just say a few things that appeal to enough people (Don't worry, that's the most work you'll have to do), sit back and let them send you money (this might be a good time for some playstation and bong hits), and then spend it all traveling around the country having all sorts of nasty hotel sex with a total hottie who would ordinarily be totally out of your league. We at Washington Interns Gone Bad salute you, Mr. Incredibly Lazy Actor Running for President Guy. You are a Real Man of Genius.

Results From Sin City and the Bible Belt (Now With 30% More Liberal Hate Speech!)

So both parties in Nevada had their caucus and the republicans in South Carolina had their primary yesterday. Depending on how you count it, Hillary and Obama both won Nevada. Hillary got more votes but Obama got more delegates and both sides are engaged in a real nasty battle accusing each other of cheating. I'm beginning to really hope that the two of them just tear each other apart while Edwards, the only candidate advocating for single payer universal healthcare, sneaks past the two of them and gets the nomination. I have a feeling that the nominee might be decided at the convention this year. On the dark side in Nevada, Romney had an easy win. This is no surprise as Mormons have been breeding in the western states like bunnies (monogamously and otherwise) for the last hundred fifty or so years just so they could elect one of their own as a president. Also no surprise that Ron Paul would come in second as the Nevada republicans who are not Mormon are libertarians (and how could they not be in a state with legal gambling and prostitution?) The surprise there is that Fred Thompson came in third. I almost forgot that guy was even running. In South Carolina, it was between the neocons and the theocrats and the neocons just barely squeaked by with McCain and his platform of just doing everything the same as the current moron while claiming some nonexistent independent cred. I suppose if I had to choose which pile of vomit to lick first, I'd take more of the same than rewriting the constitution to put it in line with the extremist interpretation of an ancient book of mythology, but neither one of these two scenarios is particularly pleasing. Only republicans like these could possibly make the idea of a corporate sellout massively hated divisive authoritarian woman running the country sound more appealing. For the right wing half of the cross-blog left-right coverage on these and the rest of the primaries, be sure to check out Valley of the Shadow.

Partisan Asshattery and the Hillary Problem

JSF over at Valley of the Shadow wants to know what liberals can do to stop Hillary Clinton from becoming the next president, but since I wasn't crazy about the way he posed the question on his blog, I've decided to post about it here instead on my own terms. Despite our fundamental disagreements on our worldviews, I like JSF, though sometimes he plays partisan games which make me want to tear the hair out of my head. The latest is this mock outrage over "liberal hate speech." People have said nasty things about people with whom they disagree since the dawn of humanity, and politics can bring out the worst in that. The republicans have become masters at painting themselves the perpetual victims of nastiness from the left whilst often ignoring the same exact stuff from their own side. Just look at this primitive political cartoon portraying a gang of savage cave-liberals ganging up on an innocent republican woolly mammoth, found in a prehistoric cave in what is now Washington, DC. Democrat partisans do the same thing to a lesser extent. Everybody knows it's nothing more than a diversionary tactic to rile up the less bright members of the base and keep them from thinking about how their respective parties are only paying them lip service while really just serving those who give them money. And it's exactly that kind of partisan stupidity which is why I am against Hillary Clinton's candidacy. Do any democratic voters actually remember the 90's? Bill Clinton did some good things and some not so good things, but our government was ground to a goddamn standstill because of how much the republicans hated him personally. Two years into his first term we had the Gingrich revolution and that Contract they took out on America. Their was complete gridlock. They wasted billions of dollars investigating him for various crap and all the best they could get was a lie about a blowjob. And this vicious partisan crap led us straight into the worst president in the history of the world. Do we really need to go through that again? So to answer JSF's question as to what liberals can do to keep her out of the White House, it's incredibly simple. Remember the 90's and DON'T VOTE FOR HER!!! And if conservatives don't want her in office, the best thing they can do is tone down their vitriol. They should know that liberals will get behind people who they see under attack by conservatives. I'm not saying to lay off by any means, but give constructive reasons why she would not make a good president rather than calling her Hildabeest, Hitlery, or whatever variation on evil communist lesbian satanist you people come up with. And try to put it in terms that might appeal to likely democratic primary voters since it's pretty much a given that the next president is not going to be one of your guys. You don't want Hillary. Many of us on the left don't want her. And we really need to work together to stop her while we still can.

Net Geek Humor at its Best

Take a break from my angry political rants and boring primary election coverage and watch this funny video. Don't ask any questions, don't have any beverages in your mouth, just watch it. It's most likely SFW.

Traitor!

A former US Congressman has been indicted on charges of funding terrorism. I knew it was only a matter of time before some ridiculous terrorist-coddling liberal, probably from right near me in the Bay Area, would get caught trying to fund Islamic terrorism. If this America-hating socialist wasn't doing this in the name of diversity or some other PC nonsense, he probably bought into the whole blame-America-first rhetoric of the left and thought that this might stop American Imperialism Exceptionalism from its inevitable course. Oh, wait a second. It was a republican, and a Reagan appointed diplomat no less! Yep, this guy is a member of the party who have staked their credibility on keeping us safe from terror. Let me be the first to say hahahahahhahahahahahahaha oh yeah how do you like them apples you lying bunch of right wing buffoons! Please please please let the sentencing part of his trial wrap up right around election day oh pretty pretty please!

A Motor City Snoozer

JSF called me up and reminded me that today was the Michigan primary. Despite my slow phase-out of this blog, we are providing left-right d-list blog coverage of the primaries for our tens of readers and that's quite an awesome responsibility. On the Democratic side of things, Michigan is a non-event. They went against the wishes of party establishment and moved their primary date up too early and for that offense, they lost their delegates. While challenging the powers that be and shaking up the status quo is usually a good thing, picking your battles wisely is essential. Now the Michigan democrats have no say in who their nominee is. They went against the family and will soon be taking a rowboat ride with Howard Dean. On the republican side, I couldn't give a rat's ass. They're calling it for McCain, but as polling in New Hampshire shows it's really anyone's game. As much as I'd love to see that plasticine Ken doll Romney really tank in his original home state, Democrats for Romney bring up a very good point in that keeping him in the race will "keep this circular firing squad of jerkos" going. I'm not sure if Giuliani has been giving his "I was great on 9/11" speaking tour in this state, so we'll see how he does. However Ron Paul does, his wingnut followers will declare some kind of victory. I'm not sure if Michigan has enough of those far right mega-churches to make a difference for Huckabee the theocrat. And is that guy from Law and Order still in the race? For more detailed and less sarcastic Hillary Conspiracy coverage of the Republican horse race, be sure to check out Valley of the Shadow.

Up To No Good

As I've been mentioning lately, I'm starting to phase out this blog and start a new one. For one, the brand name of Washington Interns Gone Bad is getting a bit on the stale side. If you make a no-budget feature length comedy film and nothing really comes of it for 6 years other than perpetual rumors of an impending lawsuit by one of your actresses for a different ridiculous reason every month, it's time to hang it up and move onward to bigger and better things. I also don't find much of a challenge in writing the same old snarky political stuff. Yeah, the system still sucks and most people involved in it are still a bunch of unsavory slimeballs, but how much more mileage can I really get out of that? I get tired of reading that kind of stuff from others, so it makes sense that my uninspired angry rants are not getting the kind of readership that I thought they should. So I've started up something new. Drum roll please... It's called Villainy, Inc. The concept is that all of the various annoyances in life have driven me to pursue a career as a super villain. I know, it sounds like an incredibly dorky idea, but bear with me please. Stepping into a comic book character and writing from that perspective will be a much needed breath of fresh air. It offers the perfect framework for me to be even more sarcastic and self deprecating as I am on this blog and in real life while using the excuse of "writing in character" as a way of being able to say more outrageous things than I could ever get away with here as just plain old regular me. I'll still post here from time to time, but the bulk of my blogging activity will be at Villainy, Inc.

What Happened in New Hampshire?

As in sports, sometimes in politics there are surprise upsets. Hillary managed to pull one off a narrow first place last night despite the campaign's post-Iowa fumbling and Obama's momentum and record turnout. Oh well, let's hope for better in the next few states. On the republican side, it's no surprise they picked McCain. On the surface, he's probably the most likable, but under the hood he's damaged goods. JSF has more detailed analysis over on his blog.

It's On in New Hampshire!

I'm proud to be offering the left hand portion of some left-right coverage of the New Hampshire primary with JSF from Valley of the Shadow providing coverage from the right, though as of this writing his most recent post is about how the big bad liberals are victimizing the poor conservatives with all that Bush-hate (which of course couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that he has brought that hate on himself by being a complete piece of shit president). It's OK, I know it's got to be really hard being a republican right now what with a dipshit of a president bringing down the decades of the work, dirty tricks and underhanded scheming that their party has done trying to take complete control of this country away from anyone other than themselves and their corporate sponsors. But back to the point. We are both here in rainy California, getting our information from the internets, and doing this more for fun than as any kind of real attempt at serious political coverage. I don't follow any sports. Politics is my sport, this week is the season opener, and it's off to a good start. The presumed nominees from both teams took a healthy beating in Iowa and I've covered that already. These presumed nominees, those favored by the establishment of their given parties both quickly limped back to New Hampshire to try to put their fingers in the dam before their campaigns are drowned by a country sick and tired of the same old bullshit. And if I could be anyplace in the world right now other than behind my desk at work, it would be New Hampshire, if for nothing else than to watch Bill O'Reilly acting like an even bigger douche than usual. I guess you could say that I've got Obama fever. Part of me should know that just the fact that he has gotten as far in politics as he has makes him dirty, but part of me really wants to believe that he is as clean as he is being perceived and that his lack of experience in a completely broken system of cronyism and hyper-partisanship can only be a benefit. Whether he means it or not, Obama's rhetoric of cutting through the partisan bullshit are highly appealing to me as I see these two old institutions being the main roadblock between the people and democracy. And if there wasn't enough reason to be against partisanship, Rush Limbaugh's defense of it puts the last nail in the coffin for me. What was that an appeal for? 'Red state America, blue states, we're the United States.' Yes, that means, the codeword there is: bipartisanship. We have to stop the partisan rancor ... Folks, when you hear anybody -- and this gets back to basic conservatism 101 -- when you hear anybody, I don't care if it's a Republican or a Democrat, start talking about 'ending bipartisan,' red flags ought to go up left and right. Partisanship is ideal. Partisanship is crucial. Partisanship is based in ideals and principles, and people who hold those principles dear and are loyal to them will not compromise them. Partisanship founded the country; partisanship propels the country. What we do not need is an end to partisanship. If we finally come up with this notion of bipartisanship across the board and the country's unified, one of two things is actually going to have happened. One side is going to have lost. So the question is, 'Who wins?' The question is victory, not bipartisanship. I would love the bipartisanship of liberalism as a 20 percent body of thought in this country. I could live with that kind of bipartisanship. The idea is to defeat them! Liberalism poses threats and dangers to this country, and your economic security, and your economic future. Liberals are to be defeated, not to be gotten along with. It's the nature of American politics. Holy shit! Those drugs really did a number on him, didn't they? The fact that people like Rush and every other partisan out there put more importance on what is good for their party than actually trying to make this country and this world a better place is perhaps the strongest argument against this whole two party system that I've ever heard. So, back to New Hampshire and my predictions. Hillary is going to tank. Her campaign is imploding around her and it's not going to be getting any better. She didn't get a single vote in the earliest poll. I'm thinking Obama's momentum is going to give him an easy win while Edwards squeaks into second. On the republican side, it's a crap shoot. NH republicans are on the libertarian side, and they've gotten a whole lot more so what with the Free State Project attempting to import enough hardcore libertarians into the state to take it over and prove once and for all that their system of fantasy economics would never actually work outside of a Robert Heinlein novel. So this may be the only state where Ron Paul might actually break 2%. Chances are that Huckabee and his wackjob fundamentalism will be soundly rejected, either for McCain, or possibly Plastic Man Romney. And lastly, here's a quote from the Hall of Shame, when Rudy Giuliani managed to elbow in the only talking point he's ever had: "Sept. 11, the funerals, the memorial services, there were times in which it was just impossible not to feel ... the emotion."

Heckling 101

Heckling is a precision art form. While on the surface it just sounds like some rowdy loudmouth in the crowd, a good heckler creates just the right soundbite and chooses just the right moment to drop their word bomb. Even for the best hecklers, mixing heckling with politics can be a risky venture. A successful heckle should catch the speaker completely off guard, really strike a nerve, get them to act unprofessionally on camera, and generally make them look like an ass while making a political point. On the other hand, an unsuccessful heckle gives gives the speaker sympathy from the audience as well as an opportunity for a clever comeback while the hecklers just look like morons, even to people who may not be fans of their intended target. Given an opportunity to heckle Hillary Clinton, I'm not sure what I could come up with, but it would have definitely been better than this.

Wyoming had a Caucus?

If a plastic candidate picks up an empty state, is it really news?

Inevitable? I Don't Think That Word Means What You Think it Means

So how about that Iowa caucus? While I spent all night throwing up instead of watching the coverage, what a nice treat to wake up this morning to see Obama the winner and the supposedly inevitable Hillary in third place! And it happened on the republican side too. I love seeing that plasticine flip flopper Romney get knocked down even after all of his spending and scary smiling. Though I am incredibly uneasy at the thought of yet another fundamentalist president, I am pretty sure any of the democratic field could give Huckabee a sound whupping in the polls. I can't believe the results on the democratic side were actually exactly what I wanted, with the exception of Hillary's failure to sink her entire campaign with an embarrassing scream in her concession speech, though it doesn't surprise me given her lack of passion about anything other than having power.

Halfassed Liveblogging The Iowa Caucus

I had every intention of doing a big cross-blog event tomorrow with JSF for left-right coverage of the Iowa caucus. Needles to say, that didn't quite materialize. It could have to do with the fact that I flew back into town the night before last and I was too tired and busy with unpacking to pick up the phone and coordinate anything. And it could be that I'm gearing up to retire this blog and start a new one. But anyway, I do plan on popping in here from time to time and posting some thoughts about the goings on. Or not. Today I am back to work for the first time in over a week and who knows what kind of chaos is be waiting for me there. So for now (8:42AM Wednesday), my great hope on the democratic side is that Hillary will come in 3rd place to Obama and Edwards and then give a concession speech so embarrassing that it sinks the rest of her campaign. But I'll settle for 2nd place without the Howard Dean scream. And for the republicans? To paraphrase Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, choosing between them is like picking which pile of vomit to lick first. If None of the Above were a choice on the ballot, I'd be rooting for that. 1/3/07 - 7:00 AM: OK Iowans, wake up and head to the polls! Oh wait, this isn't a primary and there are no polls. Apparently there isn't really going to be anything happening until 7:00 PM (CT) tonight. For the majority of us who live in states that have primaries, we're not really familiar with how a caucus works. Here's an explanation. Apparently there are two tallies, the first of which rules out candidates who are not viable with less than 15% support. The supporters of the long shot candidates are given a chance to change their support for the second tally and those who choose not to are herded to the corner while the others point and laugh at them. I predict things might get a little ugly with the Ron Paul supporters. Oh wait, that's just the democratic side with the tallies and the viability thresholds. The republicans just do a straight up ballot. How boring! How is that any different from a primary? 1/3/07 - 2:11 PM: Not a damn thing to report yet. To use a sports analogy, this is the season opener and nothing is going to happen until the last 30 seconds of the game. What a snoozer! Somebody better have an embarrassing moment at the end of this tonight or I swear this is the last damn political caucus I attempt to live-blog from thousands of miles away. 1/3/07 - 6:00PM: The caucus has been going on for about an hour but I've been spending the last few hours throwing up and curling in a fetal position. It could be stress, or the burrito I ate for lunch, or the thought of any of those republicans or Hillary actually winning the general election. And thus ends this not-so-great experiment in citizen journalism.

My Agenda for 2008

This is less a bunch of new years resolutions and more a to-do list for the year. Transition Blog - I'm a little bit tired of this blog. Nothing ever became of the movie Washington Interns Gone Bad. It was a fun and lofty project 6 years ago. The fact that a bunch of DC political activists actually made a feature length comedy film lampooning post 9/11 life in the world of national politics is quite an achievement, but as it was a first project by people who knew next to nothing about filmmaking, it really doesn't grab much of an audience outside of those of us who actually took part in it and the circles of friends and fellow activists who came from that specific time and place. There's really no point in continually trying to milk that dead horse. The fact that one of my cast members is still so obsessed with this film that she talks about suing me about every six months for a stake in something that has lost money (but hey, if you want a stake in a loser, I accept paypal) has really soured me on the whole thing. So the plan is to pretty much just phase this blog out and start a whole new one, this time using WordPress and having a whole new theme that will challenge me to write more creatively than the usual complaints about our lame political system. Be on the lookout in the next few weeks. Make More Money - This one pretty much ought to speak for itself. I'd like to be able to make some extra income doing videography, but I also wouldn't mind really kicking up the ad revenues from blogging. That ain't working. That's the way you do it. Stick it to the Man - Also fairly self explanatory. The Man has been keeping us down long enough and every creative thing that I do in this next year should in some way be part of sticking it to him. Do More Creative Projects - This year I will do more creative writing, more filmmaking, and perhaps even try to make some music again.