Musical Dysfunction

I used to be a pretty decent bassist. I’m no Jaco by any stretch, but I wasn’t half bad. But these days I can barely muster up the enthusiasm to pick up my instrument, and when I do, my playing feels kind of limp and somewhat forced, and generally not very good. The last band I was in ended badly for me. I don’t want to go into the details of this split, but I wound up feeling extremely hurt and betrayed and it seems to have shaken my mojo to the very core.

Back when I enjoyed playing, a night of music left me feeling energized and refreshed and generally good. Even on the nights where it was more work than fun, it felt like something was accomplished. I’m not really feeling anything like that so much right now. And I’m not sure how to get that back. And I’m also not sure I want to get that back yet.

The idea of finding new people to play with isn’t even all that appealing to me. Making music with others is an intimate act. It’s almost kinda sorta like being in a relationship. If you play from the heart, you’re sharing that with others, and it can create a strong bond. When that bond is shattered, it’s hard to put the pieces back together again.

So last night…

…I did something musical, only it didn’t involve trying to play with strangers who I may or may not have the right vibe with. I got up in a bar full of my friends and sang my favorite Bond theme (after drinks and an exchange of mixed CDs!), and it didn’t suck! And despite the slight hangover, it left me feeling energized and refreshed and generally good. It may not be playing in a band, but dammit, I’ll take it!

Also, having a new circle of friends who can talk about anything and support each other and really be there really helps.  It’s so nice to be a part of a community again. It seems like every time I’ve gotten to this point, we’ve had to pack up and move across country or even just to a new town and had to start over. This is definitely better than being in a band with people who have differing agendas and less than ideal interpersonal communications.

4 Responses to Musical Dysfunction

  • Yes! When something that you create and nurture in the core of your being gets brutally damaged, it can be life-shattering. If this is the first step or the only step to finding your way back to where that core is solid, it’s fantastic.
    And mad respect to you for doing this.

    • Bronwyn, yes, you get it! The last time I found myself without a band (on much better terms, our singer/guitarist/songwriter was moving away to get married) I found myself hammering out a screenplay. Creative drive works in mysterious ways.

      BTW, did you happen to sing anything after I left the other night?

  • That was the best!
    I am so sorry the last chapter ended so badly. I am certain this new one is going to be so much better. Not a lot beats having good pals to just be yourself around. Here’s to future music making!

    • Thanks, Wanda! I wish I could have stuck around longer. It looks like things got a little wild.